Was I Escaping? (Personal Draft)
I am never not thinking and I used to need to escape this. I used to need to silence the mind like closing a window during a stormy night; blocking out the chaos from outside. I used to need to go inside myself to breathe. I used to need to fill the lungs, so the mind was empty. I used to need to bleed the nose, to feel anything. I used to need to do a lot of things to get by. Like as a younger soul the mind would race and the heart would pace. I’d use many avenues of escape. Each one increasing with the years. Reading, writing, creating and listening turned into drinking, snorting, melting and so on but now the first part is a simple way of living; every breathe I take is pure art.
This new shift in emotional narrative has me thinking as well as internalizing; Was I escaping life or was I preparing for it? Was I escaping or building an internal safe-haven? Was I escaping or storing knowledge for now? Was I escaping or simply waiting my time until I could shine? Was I escaping or discovering the keys to the Universe? Was I escaping or was I merely happy? Was I escaping or simply surviving? Was I escaping or was I simply existing in a time period that was not my own; an old soul in a 7 year olds body. Like I honestly thought I was avoiding reality through the world of other realities; LittleFoot and his crew of playful dinosaurs, Lightening McQueen and the discovery of his purpose, Dazed and Confused became a mantra, Almost Famous became dream, James Adam saving the world as an uncover kid, Finch and his constant longing for The Great Perhaps, Slash and his sultry guitar riffs. All these realities that were not my own.
Somehow, all these realities have become my reality and I still can’t stop thinking; I am still escaping? Am I escaping or am I dreaming? Am I escaping or am I silently building a universal network? Am I escaping or ……. Oooh sometimes you should just stop thinking. You are overthinking again! Just breathe! Escaping or Living? Its doesn’t matter. Its brought you here and that you that is here is such a warm blessing; sunshine in humanskin and you allow others to escape as you once did and I think thats more important than all these questions inside your mind. Just breathe and continue dreaming. You are doing okay and you will continue to be okay.
Am I Escaping? (Final Piece - 5th Draft)
In the symphony of existence, my younger self danced amidst the tumultuous storms within. The mind, a tempest of thoughts, sought refuge like closing a window on a stormy night. I once yearned to silence the chaos, to escape into the tranquil embrace of inner serenity, where breaths birthed art and the mind, an empty canvas. Life's escape routes morphed over the years, evolving from the innocence of reading, writing, and creating, to the intoxicating allure of drinking, snorting, and melting. Yet, as the years wove their tapestry, the former became a simple way of living, each breath an exquisite stroke of pure art.
A metamorphosis unfolded—was I escaping life or sculpting an internal sanctuary? The narrative blurred between escape and preparation, a delicate dance between avoidance and readiness for the cosmic stage. Was I merely surviving or embracing the essence of existence? Was I escaping or laying the foundation of a universal network? Reflection echoed in the caverns of my mind. The tales of LittleFoot's playful dinosaurs, Lightning McQueen's purposeful journey, and the sultry guitar riffs of Slash were once distant realities, now interwoven into the fabric of my own. An old soul navigated a world not its own, a seven-year-old vessel cradling ancient wisdom.
The ceaseless pondering: am I still escaping, or am I dreaming amidst the cosmic dance? The disconnect between escaping and building a universal tapestry, a philosophical tangle in the garden of self-discovery. Amidst the overgrown maze of thoughts, I questioned if my essence resonated with the cosmic frequencies or if I lingered in escapism's gentle embrace. Sometimes, one must halt the symphony of thoughts, quell the overthinking, and breathe. Escaping or living, a dichotomy dissolved in the sunlit warmth of existence. An internal monologue whispered, "You are a warm blessing, sunshine in human skin." The transformation from escapist to liberator unfolded, allowing others to escape within the sanctuary of my being.
In the embrace of self, echoes of philosophical quotes reverberated. "Life is but a dream," said Thoreau, and perhaps, in the dreamscape, I constructed a universal haven. Emerson's wisdom echoed, "Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail." Was I escaping or pioneering the uncharted realms of my own cosmos? And as the cosmic ballet continued, I acknowledged the futility of overthinking. "Just breathe and continue dreaming," whispered the universe. The seven-year-old spirit intertwined with the 27-year-old vessel, a harmonious blend of innocence and wisdom. Escaping or living, a question rendered inconsequential in the grand tapestry of existence. I was not escaping; I was evolving, dreaming, and embracing the cosmic dance with arms wide open.