Jan was a wild one.
What a damn fucking January it's been! It's been one of cleansing, with old memories resurfacing, connections retethered, unstable stability, internal creation, and external manifestation. Even all those 3am mind journeys lying in the passenger seat of my car have been enjoyable, as I know no matter the darkness, light will always shine brighter eventually. It is as if it is all falling how it's meant to fall and it's all coming how it's meant to come. Like, as I lie here staring up at the roof as moreporks sing in the moonlight and the thoughts fade to moonshine, I can't help but be grateful for the existence I get to live. As I lie here, writing these words in shitty cell-phone light as the expansive endless horizon of Uncle's sanctuary brings me comfort, I can't help but lie in complete disbelief and bewilderment for all that I have lived and will live. Like, wtf! How am I lying here with every dream I ever had already achieved? How am I lying here with a network of soul-enriching and mind-inspiring pieces-of-my-heart beyond my wildest dreams? How am I lying here with creative vision like no other and visions that are my own? How am I lying here with rocket ships in my universal arsenal; equipment to conjure up anything I see? How am I still simply lying here after all the darkness that once consumed me? I honestly don’t know, but I do know this reality I find myself in is completely unfathomable. Then, on top of all of that beautiful madness, I have an exhibition to plan and put on with a couple of creative geniuses who double as my homies. It's like what else could I need? What else could possibly enhance the cosmos in which I exist? What would take my dreams to the next realm? What else would I need to enhance this newfound freedom I hold close? The longer I think on this, only one answer comes to mind; financial freedom. I feel like I have gained my wings and now money will grant me infinite access to the skies above. I feel like I have worked hard building a solid moral first-story of my metaphorical creative safe haven in the woods and now I must work even harder to build a second story of financial wealth and ultimate freedom. I know I have the confidence, knowledge, and connections to ask for and accept money when it flows my way like a river quenching my thirst for freedom amongst all realms. I know I have enough of whatever is required to ensure the financial stability of both myself and the financial stability of the ones I hold close. I now realize my ideas about money were attached to my discontent for capitalism and the evil money brings when in reality; it's just a thing that allows more expensive things to happen. It's put upon the soul with the funds to decide whether these things are good or bad. Some people want riches for expensive cars, luxury homes, and shiny jewelry. Some want it for power, greed, and ego. Some want it for bitches and fame. Some want it to fund a cause close to their darkened hearts. Some want it to feed an addiction they cannot control. Some want it to end world hunger and suffering. Some want riches to get even richer, whilst the rest of the world starves. Some want it to fund terrorist organizations and destroy the world. Some want it to fulfill all the insecurities they feel within their souls. Like put it this way - here is a paragraph I wrote some time ago on this matter: “People pursue wealth for a multitude of reasons, reflecting the diversities of human desires and motivations. Beyond the conventional pursuits of materialistic pleasures and status symbols lie deeper, more intricate motives. Some aspire to financial abundance to break free from the shackles of poverty and provide a better life for themselves and their loved ones, driven by a profound longing for security and stability. Others seek riches as a means of validation, hoping that wealth will validate their worth and erase lingering insecurities.
There are those who see wealth as a gateway to freedom, enabling them to live life on their terms, unrestricted by financial constraints. Moreover, some individuals are drawn to the allure of philanthropy, viewing wealth as a tool for effecting positive change in the world, whether by supporting noble causes or uplifting disadvantaged communities. On the contrary, a darker inclination leads some to pursue wealth for nefarious purposes, such as fueling illicit activities or exerting control and influence over others. Additionally, the allure of accumulating wealth as a form of legacy, leaving behind a lasting impact or securing a future for subsequent generations, resonates deeply with certain individuals. Ultimately, the pursuit of riches reflects a complex interplay of personal aspirations, societal influences, and ethical considerations, painting a multifaceted portrait of human ambition and aspiration.” For me, the desire for riches stems from a longing for financial freedom that goes beyond mere comfort. It's about unlocking the door to endless possibilities, like traveling to exotic destinations and engaging in meaningful conversations with unique individuals. Riches aren't just about treating myself to nice dinners or ensuring I can afford insurance without scrimping on other necessities; it's about supporting those closest to me and making a difference in the lives of others. Having financial resources means investing in my personal growth, fueling philanthropic endeavors, and pursuing passion projects that bring joy and fulfillment. It's also about prioritizing health, wellness, and environmental sustainability. With riches, I’ll have the power to create opportunities, embrace diverse cultures, and leave a positive legacy that extends beyond my lifetime. Ultimately, riches will grant me the freedom to give back and make a meaningful impact on the world around me.
Furthermore, riches will allow me to prioritize my health and well-being by accessing top-notch medical care and pursuing activities that promote mental and emotional wellness. It will also empower me to contribute to environmental conservation efforts, supporting initiatives aimed at preserving our planet for future generations. Additionally, riches will enable me to embrace a lifestyle of generosity and abundance, where I can freely share my resources with those in need, whether through charitable donations, volunteering, or supporting local communities. Finally, riches will provide a sense of security and stability, allowing me to navigate life's uncertainties with confidence and peace of mind, knowing that I have the resources to weather any storm and pursue my dreams with resilience. Through patience and resilience, I have learned that if you wholeheartedly put your intentions towards an M2 chip, the universe will present to you an M3 chip. I have learned that if you surrender to life and existence, you can achieve more than you could ever imagine. I have learned that if you aim for the moon in a rocketship running off dreams and gasoline, you’ll end up amidst the cosmos with no idea where to float to next as the Milky Way expands.
I have learned that as long as your intentions are pure and aimed towards the direction of the sun; things will fall into place exactly how they were meant to fall. I have learned that my attachment to the idea of capitalism polluting the purity of money is a part of that evil thing called pride. And, with pride comes ego, and I think that may be one of the biggest blockages on my way to infinite wealth. I think I must detach from the idea of what money is and start thinking about what money could do. I think I need to start thinking about what money will allow me. About what opportunities and experiences money will open me up to. I need to start seeing money as a vessel rather than a building with never-ending stories. I need to start not even seeing money at all as it will come to me. It is already destined for me. I just haven't arrived at that point in my existence yet. I have had a taste of wealth working at KFC in high-school, but then I had to seek for my soul amidst the chaos of my past. And, as I have sought, the closer to tasting wealth again I have become.
Yet, this time I feel like I am about to eat the whole meal and not just have a taste. I feel like with all my creative visions and universal gifts, money will fall from the sky eventually. Dollar by dollar, it will rain, and I won’t be holding an umbrella. I don’t expect millions to fall down upon me. I simply am asking for slightly more than just enough. Slightly more than week-to-week budgeting and week-to-week living. Slightly more than enough because I am slightly more than enough, and it's about time I realize I am deserving of money. It's about time I realize you can be wealthy and still have a soul. Fuck, it's about damn time, alright.