I Dreamt Again! (February 2024 - Journal Entry)
You usually walk my dreams with me with your words lingering but as I laid my head against the vibrations of the universe upon the forest floor. Moonlight merged with the trees around me, and I dreamt for the first time in years. As the moon creeped through the cracks of the branches, the clouds within my soul were illuminated and my mind was transported to the stars above me. I saw you standing there with innocent eyes standing on the shores of nostalgia trying to pull me back down to your level. Trying to drag me back deep within the deep recesses of my mind. This time, however, I wasn’t looking. I was sitting in the window seat of a plane with my camera in my hand taking photos of the endless possibilities and golden love in front of me. The more I looked the more the plane shifted from a two-seater Censa carrying you and I into a fucking Boeing 747 bustling with deep connections and creativity. Every seat your face would smirk at me from had been replaced with the smiling faces of homies as they journeyed forward into the unknown with me. Where we ended up, I could not tell you. But, it was a place of vibrant rainbows and soul-fulfilling adventures.
Hamish and Leah were there hand-in-hand welcoming me home with warmth and understanding as the world around me was falling apart. Ally was there opening cat-doors and windows for me to squeeze through. Gabriel was there like an angel staring at me with eyes of wonder. Kingston was there playing reggae as time floated by him, John was there speaking facts on a microphone. Ash was there carrying me through the dark on the back of his bike. Holly was there lost in wanderlust radiating in her beautifully weird energy. Hope was lounging by a lake with an unpublished book filled with blank pages. Api and his family were skimming rocks as Papa Shawn smiled down from above. Kasey was there lifting weights, so I could breathe a little lighter. Dad was there standing strong and silent like a tree withstanding a storm. Mum was there ensuring my soul was nurtured and my body was fed in preparation for what is ahead. And, a mere traveler amongst the cosmos was taking in the view around me as the flash on my camera sprayed light into the dark recesses of my mind.
The more I captured, the less you were in the frame. The more I captured the less focused you became. The more I captured the less you existed inside the brain. The more I captured, the more my soul became. The more I captured the more the tears fell from the waterfalls inside my eyes. And, as the tears turned into streams and into a raging river, the more I opened my eyes to the new reality I had somehow stumbled along into. The further I journeyed down the tear-river the more that seemed to align with my essence as I seeked for the top of the mountains hoping to see the sun rise again. Quintin joined me in my youth when a lonely kid needed a friend. Kasey joined me at a bend in the river. Immy and Orion held my hand as Lily and Zara tried to build a dam inside the watering-hole of my soul. And, the further and further I journeyed the closer to home I became. The further I trekked forward through the overgrown weeds of my past, the closer to being me again I became. The closer I become to being someone outside of the piece-of-shit I was when we were dating. The further I trekked, the drier the river became. And, as the river was about to meet the sea, you were standing there again with offerings of nectar and berries; a last stand against the hold you have over me. Usually, I sip on your nectar and indulge in your berries but this time I knew the berries would be the last thing I ate if I didn't continue forward with my journey. So, I walked by without a care in the world as you started to chase after me, I felt the tethers of your essence strip themselves from me and the distance between us grew so large I could no longer hear you. Instead birds filled the universe with their silent hymns and soulful prayers as you were no more.
Then I arose from slumber with twigs in my hair and sunshine in my soul as the gray clouds turned blue and I could once again see the future calling out to me with its promise of connection and alignment. Oh, how I wish to dream like this again.